ballerz120

Random musings of an insecure narcissist

Month: March, 2014

Am I a writer?

The aforementioned question may seem like an easy one to answer but it’s more complex than that. I recently went to Barnes & Noble and while at the counter, the cashier said she was an English teacher. She said she taught at a community college and was working on her Master’s to teach English. She asked me if I was a writer? At first, I hesitated and then I told her I minored in English in college. I told her I haven’t really had anything published lately and that I’m in the Infantry so my writing skills are put on the back-burner for now. Then we spoke about how time limitations and distractions make it difficult to just sit down and write. She then elaborated on how bad the writing of college students is and how they come into college with little to no writing skills. We discussed spelling errors, grammar mistakes, and the inability to utilize proper punctuation. It felt good talking with a kindred spirit of sorts and realizing that I do have a gift when it comes to writing even though it’s similar to having an appendix in the eyes of the Infantry. Upon further reflection, I realized I can be considered a writer on technical grounds because I have had 16 news articles published and they can be found if you simply Google “Kamal Darji East Carolinian”. However, I am not where I want to be and I want to recommit and keep writing as much as I can. I want to eventually be able to use my skills to make a living and do something I actually enjoy. It’s not going to be a overnight success story¬†but I believe I have the tools to eventually transition into a successful writer. I just have to put in the work and build the foundation so that I can capitalize later. Just some food for thought for now.

John Doe Status

I’m lost, in every essence of the word. I have been for a while. I’m trapped in this maze-like state where I take all of these steps and make all of these decisions in order to escape. For a while it may seem I’m gaining some traction but I usually end up in the same place I started. I still consider myself a “John Doe” in relation to knowing myself. I don’t truly know who I am yet. I have a vague idea of what my hobbies and interests are. Other than that though, the knowledge is foggy and interrupted by conflicting reports. I don’t know what I truly want from this life and, ultimately, what this life wants from me. I don’t know what I want in a mate other than the vague notion that I want someone who understands me and gets me. I joined the military in order to escape redundancy and ultimately find a purpose and a direction for my life. I wanted to push myself and discover underlying strength that had been hidden like abs beneath layers of fat. I still have a lot to learn in relation to myself as a person. The military may or may not have been the right decision for me. However, I have to make the best of it and keep pressing forward. I just hope the old adage that everything happens for a reason rings true in this particular scenario and eventually all of the pieces of my life start coming together like puzzle pieces. Then and only then will I start to know myself.