John Doe Status

by elusiveunderstanding5

I’m lost, in every essence of the word. I have been for a while. I’m trapped in this maze-like state where I take all of these steps and make all of these decisions in order to escape. For a while it may seem I’m gaining some traction but I usually end up in the same place I started. I still consider myself a “John Doe” in relation to knowing myself. I don’t truly know who I am yet. I have a vague idea of what my hobbies and interests are. Other than that though, the knowledge is foggy and interrupted by conflicting reports. I don’t know what I truly want from this life and, ultimately, what this life wants from me. I don’t know what I want in a mate other than the vague notion that I want someone who understands me and gets me. I joined the military in order to escape redundancy and ultimately find a purpose and a direction for my life. I wanted to push myself and discover underlying strength that had been hidden like abs beneath layers of fat. I still have a lot to learn in relation to myself as a person. The military may or may not have been the right decision for me. However, I have to make the best of it and keep pressing forward. I just hope the old adage that everything happens for a reason rings true in this particular scenario and eventually all of the pieces of my life start coming together like puzzle pieces. Then and only then will I start to know myself.