Self-Deprecating Quicksand

by elusiveunderstanding5

    I was debating on whether or not I should write this or not. I was hesitating initially because it’s a somber subject. It’s a subject that not too many people want to read about or hear about it. Honestly, it’s not that fun writing about it either. This is because what I’m about to write can be easily misunderstood or misinterpreted. That’s one of the things you always have to worry about as a writer. You’re writing to a certain audience but you hope that audience gets the gist of what you’re trying to say and doesn’t run with it in the other direction. Anyway, I decided to write this so here goes nothing.

   The title might seem weird but I felt it captured what I’m trying to talk about in this post. Negativity or the wrong mindset is the topic at hand in this post. Nobody hates on me more than the man in the mirror. I might seem anxious at work or lost in the sauce, so to speak. But no one makes me feel more like shit than the man in the mirror. I am my biggest critic. You’d think this would help to push me and achieve the things I want to achieve. Honestly, in some instances, it has done exactly that.

   However,  the flip side of that is that this negativity is like a disease and it has become such a major part of who I am that I have begun to revel in it. There’s a quote that comes to mind here. Einstein says, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” The problem with negativity is that it spreads if you don’t do anything to combat it. Eventually, it becomes a part of your moral fiber and you actually start believing the negative things people say.

  You start believing you are lower than the dirt that you walk on. You start believing you are a moron and it was a miracle that you graduated college. This is because the negativity has  been unchecked for so long, that it becomes a normal part of your being. It even gets to the point that you become comfortable with those negative thoughts. The outside observer can see the self-destructive qualities of those thoughts but the afflicted individual has become desensitized in a sense. To that individual, those thoughts are just part of everyday life. People tell you to suck it up or get over it but they fail to realize that those thoughts have been festering for a long period of time.

  These thoughts seep into your mentality and interfere with a progressive mindset. Instead, you become focused on the negative aspects or all of the things that went wrong or could go wrong. This becomes an everyday thing until it gets to the point where it’s almost abnormal for you to have a positive thought or outlook. It’s a tough thing to break out of. It’s a prison of the mind. The crucial aspect of this is that it’s a prison of your construction.

 When people say the mind is a powerful thing, they have no idea the degree of profundity that resides in that statement. The mind is a very powerful organ; so much so, that its true power has not been discovered by even the brightest of neuroscientists and neurosurgeons. The study of the brain is an ever-expanding field and only time will tell how much more there is to discover about this powerful organ. With all that being said, one of the hardest things to grow out of or combat is this pattern of negative thinking. That has been one of my greatest battles and one that I still struggle with. People may read this and have their own opinion about the subject. That’s fine as that’s the whole point of this blog; however, my thing is that I want to be honest in my writing. Meaning, even if it’s a depressing topic or something taboo, I will try to be as honest as possible.