Random musings of an insecure narcissist

Month: January, 2015

Browsing on Facebook

As the title suggests, this post was inspired by the act of, yours truly, browsing on Facebook. Typically, the comments associated with an article have become more entertaining to read than the article itself. With that being said, the comments box can be a vortex and it can get ugly quick. There’s a plethora of opinions and they range from witty to downright retarded. Some will make you laugh and others will make you cringe as you pray for the future of humanity. I always see these articles about business magnates or self-made millionaires and methods in which they chose to spend some of their hard-earned money. The comments always consist of someone saying something along the lines of: “Why don’t you use that money to feed the poor instead of purchasing a private jet?” I get rather incensed when I see this because it goes along with a flawed way of thinking. That man, whether it be Mark Cuban or some other self-made businessman/woman, worked for his/her money. In essence, who gives a fuck about your broke ass opinion? Why don’t you spend less time commenting on every article about wealthy people and do something yourself If you feel so strongly about poverty? I understand people’s frustrations with so-called artists like Soulja Boy who, in my opinion, has about as much talent as William Hung. Regardless, the fact that he has continued to remain somewhat relevant and continued to gain income has to be commended. There’s too much hatred in society today. People forget that others put in hard hours in the gym or the studio or the ring to get to where they are today. I love basketball and I’ve been playing since I was a little kid. Anyone who knows me knows I love the game. I am far from the best obviously, but I have come a long way since I was a kid. When I was younger, people would always say black kids had an advantage because of their superior genes or it just came to them naturally. But as I got older, I realized that’s a defeatist’s philosophy. It’s utter bullshit. Granted, some of us are more athletically blessed than others; however, Jordan busted his ass to get to where he’s at. Kobe worked his ass off year after year to get to the level he’s at. They are both black athletes but their work ethics are just as legendary. He learned from the legends and realized you could always improve. Humans are imperfect creatures and as such, there is always room for improvement even if one is already at an elite level. We, myself included, always look for excuses to justify why we didn’t do what we had to do to get what we so strongly desired. Many people are scared of putting in the work, others are ready to put in the work but get easily discouraged. For the longest time, I fell in the latter category. My latest goal is to be able to see my abs. This has nothing to do with females or wanting to impress others. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of a lie. Those may be some perks but this is mainly for my benefit. I work out hard but it doesn’t always show due to my eating habits. My environment doesn’t always help as I am surrounded by a steady source of alcohol, fast food, and more alcohol. Despite all of that, I’m tired of  the whole genes excuse. Our genes obviously play a part but we play a large part as well. Another aspect of me wanting abs is I want to change my eating habits to see what psychological effects it has on me as a person. When I become depressed or very anxious, I have a bad habit of eating away my unease, so to speak. Or I’ll go out and waste money on comfort food. This adds up over time and consequently, I feel like shit a lot of the time. I want to change all of that but my first order of business will be to keep this spark going and not revert to old tendencies.



It is the force which drives us to perform an action. However, the source of the motivation varies for each of us. For instance, my motivation to write this post has flickered like a light switch throughout the day. At times, I was excited by the idea of writing again and thrilled by the prospect that there’s actually people out there that read what I write. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about and I was worried it would just be some random jumble that would make little sense and waste my time and yours. There’s too much negativity in this world. I’m not just talking about the out in the open kind; I’m referring to the kind that’s closeted or only revealed behind closed doors. People wish you success or good luck and secretly wish you fail. When I joined the Army, particularly the Infantry, I knew I was going to be pushed way outside of my comfort zone. But I was motivated to change my surroundings and that’s what pushed me even at the worst of times. I was tired of being compared to other people. I have never followed the typical path that many of my fellow Indians follow. I did not want to become a Doctor or become a Physician’s assistant. I have always marched to the beat of my own drum, so to speak. I was being lazy earlier today and kept putting off running. I forced myself to go outside and run two miles. Not too soon after, I was on the phone with my sister and I told her I had ignored her call because I was running. The conversation turned to the topic of motivation. She said it’s good that I’m so motivated. But that’s the way it has to be. I told her if I’m not motivated I will go crazy eventually. I use everything as motivation even if it’s a perceived slight or wholly imagined. I take pride in being a vegetarian and still being able to surprise people at the gym when we lift.  I imagine people are talking shit about vegetarians when I’m at the gym. I post selfies on social media and it rubs some people the wrong way but it helps me. I’m motivated to improve my run time as I have never sucked at running as much as I have in El Paso. The elevation mask has made running fun again; at least, for me it has. There’s some people that believe it’s a scam or a placebo effect. My answer to that is: who gives a fuck? I believe it works and there’s many athletes and professionals who have endorsed it. However, if it is a mere placebo; it is innocuous and actually beneficial. People, including myself, are out there running and pushing themselves. If that’s the end result, then it being a placebo effect should not be that big of a deal. I’m not referring to the idiots that lift weights with the training mask. I’m talking about the people that actually use it the way it was meant to be used. This post was all over the place but it’s been a while since I’ve posted so I’ll hit my stride again. My goal is to keep this updated so only time will tell.