Random musings of an insecure narcissist

Month: May, 2015



That’s how I feel most of the time

A deep-rooted fascination with gangs

For once I just wanted to belong

Feeling like an outcast who can’t be loved

The pain runs deep even though there’s no scars in the physical form

Tormented by negative thoughts

Seeping into my skin like a permanent body wash

It hurts to the point I don’t want to leave my room

The feeling of loneliness creeps up

And it’s more powerful than any punch from the Hulk

I can’t help but lie down and sulk

Wanting to be loved and accepted

Instead it’s just me and this pen, me and this notepad

Trying to put onto the page what my mind is dictating

A quicksand of hopelessness

I fall deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole

I just want to be loved.


Mayweather vs. Pacquiao/Spurs vs. Clippers

This past Saturday was an eventful one. I decided early on in the day that I was going to watch the new Avengers. I enjoyed the movie and it had its moments but, for whatever reason, I was happy when it was over. It seemed parts of it just dragged on for me. Then I went to Buffalo Wild Wings and paid the $20 cover charge so I could watch Mayweather vs. Pacquiao.  I am reluctantly a fan of Mayweather, not his fighting style per se, but his technical prowess. He is nowhere near one of the more exciting fighters to watch but you begrudgingly begin to respect his mastery of his craft: the art of boxing. That’s why I could tell a lot of people in Buffalo Wild Wings in that moment were not really fans of boxing but their hatred of Mayweather is what spurred them on.

Every time Pacquiao threw a flurry of punches, there would be an uproar at Buffalo Wild Wings even though most of those punches did not land. It was the thought of Mayweather getting hurt or the mere possibility of him getting knocked out that excited people like nothing else. I am a fan of Pacquiao as he is not only a good boxer but he is aggressive, and as a result, he is exciting to watch. Pacquiao is known to knock people out and his fighting style is entertaining because he puts it all on the line. Mayweather is much more reserved and doesn’t deviate much from his game plan and his style of fighting. Mayweather is a defensive ace and a counter puncher, not a brawler or a street fighter. I was disappointed like many others at the actual fight. These guys ran off with $300 million and I could have watched a more exciting fight in the parking lot. Pacquiao had a few flurries which excited the crowd but the replay showed most of his punches were not landing. Not only that, but his punches were not hurting Mayweather as the crowd had hoped. Regardless, I am glad that I got to watch it as people will talk about this fight years’ down the road even it was truly underwhelming.

The Spurs vs. the Clippers game lived up to the billing of everything a game 7 should be. It was the old school vs. the new school, so to speak. The Spurs’ are a coach’s wet dream as they play the game the right way. They follow the system and are well-coached. Their core of Duncan, Parker, and Ginobili have been playing together for a very long time and as a result, they know each others strengths and weaknesses quite well. The Clippers are a relatively young and exciting team. The Clippers’ teams of old sucked ass and were a laughingstock compared to their LA counterparts. However, with the acquisition of Chris Paul and the emergence of Blake Griffin, they have seemingly improved each year. Blake Griffin’s game has expanded greatly and he is no longer just a guy who makes posters for a living. He has added a mid-range touch to his game and that has made him a bigger threat than he was. Chris Paul is the perennial point guard and excellent with the ball while limiting turnovers. With all that being said, it was a great game. The Spurs put up a hell of a fight and I was rooting for them because I know their days are numbered. I was hoping for one final run by a team that has been doing it for so long. No matter how they perform in the early part of the season, the Spurs always show up when it’s close to the post-season. Kudos to Chris Paul though, he willed his team to victory. More importantly, he put his team on his back in the waning seconds and hit a hell of a shot off the backboard over Duncan. It was a good Saturday.


Self doubt is my cologne It’s the reason I’m alone, having no belief in myself like a pitcher who stops throwing or the fighter who stops punching the rationale behind it is muddied and sounds like an excuse but it’s a prison tougher than Alcatraz I want to believe in myself but it’s like trying to stay afloat in quicksand the harder I try the deeper I fall into a depression that’s not quickly remedied, the self doubt seeps into my skin like a virus and takes over my consciousness like an alien host. I want to continue but I’ll end this post.