Be real

by elusiveunderstanding5

The title is very direct and straight to the point, just like relationships should be today. Unfortunately, we live in a day and age where anything we say can offend someone. It’s almost as if we’re afraid of being ourselves simply because it might rub someone the wrong way. I have been talking to someone for the past three months and it has gone relatively well with the exception of today. Some truths came out and it caused quite an argument. It may potentially work out but only time will tell. I think society has molded us into drones today who only look to appease others with their lack of actions and/or words. If you want something, you have to go out and get it. As cliche as it sounds, it is the motherfucking truth. The world doesn’t owe you shit and people that love you will hurt you more than once. Sometimes, the only person you can truly lean on is the person in the mirror. That is why it’s important to love oneself before one can commit to another person. If not, the foundation is weak to begin with and it can potentially lead to problems. I am a work in progress, no one hates me more than myself. I have worked on learning to love myself and it has been a journey. I joined the United States Army as an Infantryman more than 2 years ago to get out of my comfort zone and suffer a bit. I wanted to suffer because I was a spoiled piece of shit that was sheltered by his parents. I wanted to get out there and do something noble for a country that has given me everything. I hate it at times and I wish I didn’t join at times but ultimately, I don’t regret joining. It has taught me a lot about people and myself. I am a lot stronger than I thought I was . I have not deployed but if the opportunity arises, I know I will be ready for the challenge. When you listen to 3005 by Childish Gambino, he’s right in his assertion that no one truly has it figured out. I feel we’re all at different stages in life and certain people might be further ahead. However, I don’t think anyone truly has it figured out. We’re all going through the motions trying to find our niche in this world. We’re all trying to find what matters whether that be love or career. We all want to leave our mark on the world and feel as if our existence meant something to someone. I am rambling but it feels good to get behind a computer screen and do a stream-of-consciousness type of blog. I have been having doubts about everything lately including my writing. I am contemplating what I am going to be doing in the future as I am a bit lost. There are many options but I’m afraid if I don’t commit to one soon, it might be too late by the time I get out of the Army. I may potentially reclass and end up staying in the Army for another term but I’m not sure yet. Only time will tell what I decide and I hope I make the right decision. I hope it works out with her and she comes to visit but that might be wishful thinking. I remain skeptical with a glimmer of hope.