Future plans

by elusiveunderstanding5

I’m supposed to take this exam fro the A+ certification next week on the 15th. The truth is I don’t give a fuck about this exam or this field. I’m just tired of being interested in things that generate no income so I’m trying to put my big boy pants on and do something. However, it is a pain in the ass sometimes as I have no real sense of urgency. I definitely don’t want to fail this test and let myself and Mishel down but it’s hard to find a fuck to give. I’m happy that I’ve been writing again even if this is really only the second time I am doing so after so long. In a way, this is therapeutic when I do it in a stream-of-consciousness style. If I overthink or try to edit too much, I feel the writing loses some of its authenticity. I love the zone I get into when I am writing, I’m not 100% sure where my mind goes but it’s like I tap into a certain zone. Then my fingers tap into that zone as well and these words on the page are the result of said connection. It is a fleeting feeling though as I usually tap into it for a little bit and then just go back to my usual ways. I want to try to change that so I have gotten some books on writing that I’m hoping expound upon things in a way which helps me. Writing is the one skill that I supposedly have so it is almost barbaric to me that I barely make use of it these days. Instead, I lose brain cells browsing Instagram and Tiktok. I have been reading 30 pages the last two days to get back into the rhythm of reading. I loved reading as a kid as it transported me to another world. I would connect with certain characters in a way where it felt real. I would finish a book and then I would be upset because the journey had ended. I want to reinvigorate that spark, so to speak, and get back to that version of me. I feel like that will greatly improve my life and my psyche. I am at my best when I am actively reading and I feel like books can teach us so much about the world even if they’re describing experiences that we haven’t had yet.